WARNING – SOME LINKS CONTAIN MATURE CONTENT!
I mean it, you may be offended.
Okay, I love the website Regretsy. If you click on that link, be prepared to see some the zaniest uber-crafts for sale on the planet. Regretsy mainly serves as a one-stop-mocking place for the most egregious and esoteric crafts on Etsy, the online home of everything hip and handmade. (Need a mustache on a stick? Made from local fallen birch wood and tinted with plant-based organic dyes? Look no further.)
*Full disclosure* I like Etsy and even recently bought myself a necklace with initial charms a-la Liz Lemon from a seller there. (Thanks Wearable Whispers!)
So, I have nothing against Etsy, and I don’t think Regretsy does, either. The targets that attract the bulk of Regretsy’s ire are things like people selling vintage batteries or random crap found in their driveway or a fur to wear to that formal function at the warlock’s club.
But lest we forget, all of this web-fueled ridiculousness has humble, analog roots in the flea market, the consignment store, and the thrift shop. I posted months ago about some of my finds at my local ‘one man’s trash’ depositories, but I forgot to take pictures that day.
To rectify this error, I went out again to one of my favorite consignment stores, and captured some beauties for all of us to enjoy.
First up, in the kitchen section, not one, not two, not three, not four, not five….but SIX Foreman Grill-type machines. My mother once made the sage observation that she could tell that the Atkins Diet craze had passed its high-water mark when the church food pantry started getting lots of Atkins food in its donation box. If the housewares section at the Treasure Mart is any indication, the Foreman Grill has seen its best days.
Next up, apropos of nothing, a lacquered mushroom with the face of a baboon (or something) carved into it.
And I wonder why these haven’t sold?
And nothing says, ‘We love you, even though you’re a falling-down drunk’ than having a bottle of bourbon made in your likeness. When will the Nick Nolte version be realeased?
Searching out oddities of this quality is tiring. So, after an hour in the Treasure Mart, I had to refuel with and Arby’s faux-st beef sandwich. Mmmmmm…okay, gotta go get that shellacked fungus before someone else snaps it up.