Tresspassing in A&F

It was too easy last time.

I posted months ago about my experience buying a new pair of jeans at Old Navy – it was a near-miraculous, in-and-out shopping trip wherein I purchased a new pair of jeans with the same ease usually associated with brushing my teeth.  Those jeans still hang in my closet, but they’ve started to hang a little too loosely on me.  I pulled out some older jeans to wear, but the ones that fit the best have been worn a little thin:

And this is the hole I could SHOW you...

I know that ripped jeans are all the rage with the kids nowadays, but this denim was giving up the ghost, quickly.  My go-to jeans were going pieces, so I had it in mind to stop by Old Navy to pick up a new pair, just like last time.  Easy-peasy…

Ha, ha, ha.  Well, two weeks and three trips to ON later, I was still wearing my old thinning denim.  Alas, I decided I was going to have to step up the search and go to – THE MALL.

I try to avoid the mall nowadays, as walking down the wide promenade between stores has become too much like an open-air market in the third world, with aggressive sellers hawking anything and everything from their booths:

‘Ma’am, would you like a sample of our product?’

‘Ma’am, have you tried stepping into our scanner?’

‘How about a 10-minute massage?’

‘Would you be interested in taking a survey today?’

Hand to god, those are actual quotes from sellers who called to me as I attempted to sprint between storefronts in search of a pair of jeans with the correct rise, cut, waist, color and length for my frame.

I ducked into Ann Taylor, where I discovered that this season the designers have seen fit to make their jeans with builder-grade sandpaper, rather than cotton.  No thanks.  The Gap?  A very friendly salesperson helped me try on four pairs, all with more Lycra in them than my sports bras.  Pass.

I was enticed to enter Abercrombie and Fitch by a sale sign – 50% off on all jeans.  Big mistake.  The thumping music, the dim-as-a-nightclub lighting, the trademarked scented air, the fact that the ONLY jeans for sale in that store were Skinny cut – all pointed to the fact that I was a decade past that place’s demographic.  I beat a hasty retreat, and considered pulling up a chair in the mall atrium and taking a nap after complaining about young people and noise to anyone who would listen.  I fought the urge and stepped into the Loft, where age-appropriate styles and soothing quasi-European background music helped me regain my equilibrium.

After a few more stops, I did end up purchasing a pair of jeans.  Are they the perfect pair?  Not really.  The perfect pair would have the length of Ann Taylor’s pants, the waist from New York & Co., the fade from American Eagle and the price point from Old Navy.  But I found a good enough pair that will cover my hide until a new pair is needed.

Just in time, too.  My old favorites were worn so thin that a whole new crop of holes were appearing with each wearing.  I don’t think they would have survived another sprint past the hand cream lady outside the Gap.


5 thoughts on “Tresspassing in A&F

  1. My head hurts reading that. At what age can you stop keeping up with the latest styles and just buy 20 pair of the same kind of jeans?

    • I can do that when you want to be married to an old lady. And then I will switch to all elastic-waisted pants and give up altogether.

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